Milk: An Overdue Review

Milk, recently in theaters, was a success.  In all ways.

At first, I was apprehensive, and I know many others of the LGBT community were too.  Harvey Milk was such an important figure in the gay civil rights movement.  In ways, he was our Martin Luther King.  He deserves a day of his own.  But he doesn’t have a day.  He gets a movie instead.  And a movie we’ll have to settle with.  But would Milk end up like every other LGBT movie that has tried to prominently enter people’s lives?  Sure, the LGBT community will know about the LGBT movies.  The LGBT community will know about LGBT issues.  It’s preaching to the choir.  We need to talk to the straight people because you know what?  Those people who are against homosexuality have most likely never met a gay or has never been educated properly on what homosexuality is.

So I feared that Milk would end up like any other LGBT movie, recognized by the people who cared, but no one else.  I feared that the image of Harvey Milk would be butchered, in ways that  Hollywood filmmakers butcher many of the good things in life.

Milk was far from this.  It was excellent, and I’m a hard critique.  I always find something I don’t like: the camera work, the acting, the plot line.  If there was anything wrong with the movie, its counterparts were so good it failed to make a difference.  

I have never watched a movie and cried.  Sometimes, I will tear up.  This, however, is very rare.  When I got to the end of Milk, I was crying.  Not with sadness, but with inspiration.  I was filled with hope. 

I realized this: Milk no longer was a movie that educated the world, gay and straight, about the great person who is Harvey Milk.  This movie carried Harvey Milk’s dying wishes, that the gay community DO something.  That that gay boy in San Antonio, Texas would feel hope and make the decision to live on.

Hate the ‘Sin’: Part II

Recently I received comments on my views of the relationships between gay people and Christians.  My argument was that, hate the ‘sin’ not the person, and this applies to gays and Christians.  If you’re gay, hate the fact that someone’s homophobic, but don’t hate the person.  If you’re Christian, hate the fact that someone’s gay, but don’t hate the person.

He brought up an interesting, and very valid, point.  In the Christian point of view, he argued that homosexuality is the equivalent – and I’ll paraphrase his analogy – to someone doing drugs.  Maybe not to all Christians, but to some or many, homosexuality is a sin and therefore will send you to hell.  Hell=Bad.  Hell=Suffering.  Hell=Not fun.  Therefore Christians would try to defer gays from that sort of lifestyle because they don’t want the person to undergo such a suffering.  I’m not saying the belief is correct, because we don’t actually know.  I’m not saying that all Christians believe this or should believe this.  This is just one point of view.  Let’s put a spin to it, using the drug analogy.  Imagine your friend is doing drugs.  Obviously (if you don’t do drugs yourself), you would try to stop them from doing drugs, no?  You don’t want them to get hurt.  You don’t want them to suffer.  This is the basis of this point of view.

This all leads me to a few other issues.  Many times I hear terrible coming out stories.  A person might tell their best friend who would regularly tries to ‘convert’ you to the straight side.  If this happens to you, take this point of view to mind.  It doesn’t mean your friend hates you.  Maybe it means they’re concerned for you.  Don’t spend hours and hours agonizing over it.  It’s not healthy.  Have a heart to heart talk with your friend.

Furthermore, I was very impressed by the tone of the comments.  They were calculated, well argued in a calm way.  There were no personal attacks, no needless swearing.  He simply stated what he believed in a mature manner, with no intent to hurt anyone.  And it was clear!  Reading the comments and the discussion that ensued, I believe I found what I meant with my hate the ‘sin’ but not the person.  He believed that homosexuality was wrong, and that tolerance was not the optimal path to approach it, especially as a Christian.  He didn’t like homosexuality, and approached the issue calmly.  

When I said hate the ‘sin’ but not the person, my main problem is with the people who would picket a gay man’s funeral, words of hate painted on their signs.  Yeah, the guy’s dead, but have some respect!  Have respect for the deceased and his family and friends!  My problem is with the people who would brutally bludgeon a person, or even reduce to murdering him or her, because he or she was gay.  My main problem is with hate.

I urge you to form your own beliefs.  Every man and woman, every adult and child, have rights to thought and belief.  I simply ask you not to hate.

House’s Thirteen… Yes She Is.

WARNING: HOUSE SEASON 4 SPOILERS… MILD SEASON 5 SPOILERS

Unfortunately, I have nothing better to do with my time than watch countless episodes of House.  Hey.  At least I picked a good show.  I skipped have of Season 2, all of Season 3, and was quite perturbed that House was picking a new team, replacing the quite lovable Cameron, Chase, and Foreman.  Of course, I felt better knowing that they, somehow, stayed on the show.

Thirteen, one of the new fellows, interested me.  As much as it did House.  Throughout Season 4, Thirteen became the focal point of bi references… 

House: You do it both ways, right?

Thirteen: What?

…that’s just one of them.  Anyhow, after all that I was even more interested.  House is one of the most watched TV shows…  How far could they possibly go with something like this?  Needless to say, I was just waiting for Thirteen to walk in with a girlfriend.

Season 5 came along.  I can’t remember which episode, but it both opened and closed with Thirteen with another girl (albeit different girls in the opening and closing).  This episode confirmed that Thirteen was bi.

I’ll say it again, House is one of the most top viewed shows in the United States.  And from living internationally, I’d say it’s a frontrunner everywhere else in the world too.  Having the most popular character of the new cast be bi is a nice step.  Unfortunately, the episode where it was confirmed had Thirteen spiraling down in a self-destructive manner because of her Huntington’s diagnosis.  It would’ve been fantastic if they could’ve introduced the bi factor not along with her self-destructive habits at the time.  Good thing they focused on the fact that her bringing home random strangers was the bad thing, not her bringing home girls.  House, of course, mocks everything.  No need to pay attention to his sarcastic comments.

A good step forward.  Gay and Bi issues are becoming more and more prominent today.  It’s even in our media.  (And not some TV show geared towards Gays and horny guys).  It’s a new year for everyone.

What’s Up With The Label?

Labels labels labels.  Are they good?  Are they bad?

Too bad the world’s not so black and white.  Otherwise, those questions would be easy to answer.  Frankly, labels can be good, and they can be bad.  A little bit contradictory… no?  Actually, it all really depends on the person.

Oftentimes people will tell you that labels are bad, especially concerning something like sexuality.  They will tell you that you don’t need to stick a label onto yourself.  This is true.  Instead of letting a label define who you are, you need to define yourself.  However, this is also untrue for some people.  Some people need the label.  It’s the same as someone with a sprained ankle walking with a crutch.  It helps them out for a little bit, then they can put aside the crutch and walk.  Labels are like crutches, basically a starting point for people to define themselves.

There’s a second case too.  This goes along the lines of things such as depression, or bipolar disorder, or manic, or etc.  Many will say to not throw these labels onto yourself.  They will say it’s unnecessary.  Again this is very true.  Attaching one of these labels to yourself might imply to you that something is very wrong with you, thus lowering your self esteem.  But I know from experience there’s another side to this sort of label.  For some people, the label puts a face to the disorder, to depression, or bipolar.  It puts a face to it, and sometimes, it becomes easier to fight off, because you know what it is and you know that it’s there.

Conclusion?  It depends on you.  Frustratingly, there is no right or wrong answer to the question of labels.  Just sit and think about it for a while.  Stew in it.  In the end, just pick the option that fits you best.  If you wear the label, make sure it’s more comfortable than not wearing it, and vice versa.  Nothing is set in stone.

“Free” America, the UN, and Gay Rights

Normally I don’t post up this many posts on the same day.  But today, I find it necessary.  66 of 192 countries signed a declaration against homophobia, against the discrimination of gays.  66 of 192 UN countries signed it.  That’s about 34%.  That’s less than half the countries.

The United States was one of the 126 countries who did not sign the declaration.  The United States is among the list of countries who do not support equal rights to gays.  The United States is numbered beside countries who discriminate based on sexuality, outlaw based on sexuality, and even kill based on sexuality.  This is where the United States stands.

No, the United States does not execute because of someone’s sexuality.  But they discriminate and they outlaw.  We revere the liberty in the United States.  We pride ourselves to be a democratic nation, a free nation.  We set ourselves apart from others because of this.

We can no longer say that the United States is a free nation.  We can no longer say “We, the people” in the words of our beloved Constitution.  It would be a lie.  It would be falsehood.  People, and none other than people, are denied rights in this country.  No, not just people.  Citizens are denied rights.  Rightful citizens, born from this country, working for this country, are denied rights.

To those who are the adversaries of the gay civil rights movement.  I respect the position you take on these issues, but I beg you to step back and look at this all from a different perspective.  Forget the Bible for a moment.  Forget religious values for a moment.  Step back and look at this with the most simplistic views in mind.

Americans are denied rights in this so-called free nation.

Change IS Possible: Ex-Gay Billboard Taken Down

A billboard sign was put up in Southern Arizona with this slogan: Ex-Gays Prove Change IS Possible.

A little offensive, no?  I mean, imagine driving down the road, all happy about Christmas (or whatever) and see this giant billboard looming above you.  Firstly, a little demeaning.  I’m not super pissed off, but it perturbs me a bit.  It’s also quite confusing for people who, perhaps, have just come out of the closet, or just discovered their homosexuality.  Change is possible?  They might grab for the idea.

But here’s the thing.  Is it possible?  Is it possible to turn straight? (so to speak).  Everyone is bisexual.  To certain extents.  That is what I believe.  Does that mean that someone who’s gay can become straight?  Not necessarily.  With something like this, I always like to use the cat and dog analogy (I could use food more effectively but that could come off as inappropriate o_O).  Try to force someone who likes cats to suddenly like dogs.  Or vice versa.  True, it could happen gradually, like a phase.  But then it would be a PHASE.

I don’t think you can actually force someone to like this or like that.  You can’t force someone to change that opinion.

Back to the billboard.  The billboard was taken down three days after it went up, thanks to barrages of emails from gays AND non-gays to PFOX (the sponsor of the billboard).  The disgruntled PFOX took down the billboard.

This tells me change IS possible.  We are becoming a peoples people care about.  We are becoming a peoples that can believe in change for the better, and bring it about in a peaceful manner.

 

My Billboard:

Gays and Straights Prove Change IS Possible.

Obama Chooses Rick Warren: What about Gay Rights?

A recent controversy is this: Mr. Obama’s choice for the man who will give prayer during the inauguration.  His name is Rick Warren.  Due to this choice, Mr. Obama is currently under fire from Democrats.  Rick Warren has strong conservative views on social issues such as abortion and gay marriage.  But what does this choice mean?  Does it change Mr. Obama’s stance?  No, it doesn’t.  It is indisputable that Mr. Obama is pro gay marriage, and, in explanation for his decision, has said so.

Gay rights advocates are outraged with Mr. Obama’s decision.  I’ll admit there is a level of disrespect in Mr. Obama’s decision, perhaps, particularly after the passing of Proposition 8 in California, a major loss in the gay civil rights movement.  At first, I too was angry, questioning.  Stop and think for a while, and put everything into perspective.  Hear out Mr. Obama’s justification (link provided) before any judgement is made.

 A CNN reporter in her commentary of Mr. Obama’s inauguration decision jokingly said, “You can’t make everyone happy.”  Frankly, it’s impossible to make everyone happy.  Rick Warren was an advocate of Proposition 8 in California.  He was a major part in the passing of the bill.  To say the truth, I disagree with Mr. Warren’s ideas.  I believe them to be unconstitutional.  And yet, I support Mr. Obama’s decision to choose Mr. Warren.  I believe that, in choosing Mr. Warren, Mr. Obama has helped America make a step forward.  No, you can’t make everyone happy, but what Mr. Obama is doing here, is bringing together people.

 I have said before that the best course of action regarding homophobia is to hate the ‘sin’ but not the person.  And I believe this is precisely what Mr. Obama is doing here.  We all believe different things.  However, we, as a society, will never move forward, will never truly be able to accept other people for who they are, if we constantly bicker amongst ourselves.

 Let’s not be hypocrites.  Let us not shun others for what they believe, even if what they believe may inherently harm us.  An eye for an eye will make the world go blind…  Instead, embrace; fire is best fought with water.  In lieu of Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi, two of some of the greatest civil rights activists, the peaceful approach is the most effective.

 Mr. Obama, thank you for making this step forward as our next President of the United States.

To Search or Not to Search: Finding Support

Reading a blog on the do’s and don’ts is good (*hint* *hint*).  Joining an online forum to talk about your issues is also good.  The best therapy?  Real people.  Faces you can see.  Names you know.  Tangible.  Close.  A computer screen is all good… but only to a point.  It’s a lot more relieving to have someone who you can truly relate to, sexuality wise and community wise.  A person who lives thousands of miles away isn’t going to know the girl or boy in your science class.

Pros:

As mentioned above, yeah, it’s a lot more relieving to tell a tangible person.  It’s also a hell a lot more more comforting.  They know the people you know.  So they can give you useful advice; they can fully understand the situation that a person far away cannot.  You know the people they know.  Therefore, you can give him or her useful advice.  And by helping them out with useful advice, you can help you out too.  You can learn so much by helping out someone else.

Cons:

Yeah, they are cons.  Cons that some might want to consider.  Sometimes it’s harder to open up to someone close to you, and it’s not only the emotional factor it’s the physical factor too.  It’s hard to open up to someone who is simply RIGHT THERE.  The easiest thing, and though it not might be the most relieving, is to talk to someone over the computer, through text.  It’s easy to type; you can think through what you’re going to say.  Furthermore, opening up to someone who lives thousands of miles away can sometimes feel more secure.  It gives you some power.  If the other person walks away, so what?  You never truly knew his or her face anyways.  But if someone you open up to is close, then the brain feels a little more endangered.  It’s the flight or fight response to emotional pain.

However, all of this is up to you.  I recommend physically talking to people.  It can take so much off of your shoulders.  But make sure you find the right people.  When you’re talking gay issues, it’s nice to have straight friends to talk to the issues about, but they can’t fully relate.  Therefore, you find gay people to talk to.  Looking for a similarity?  An excuse to introduce yourself to the other person?  Well, you’re both gay.

Let’s delve in a little deeper to the idea of a gay support group.  See, what might happen is that the majority of your community is straight.  Makes it pretty damn hard to find anyone gay.  Key word is majority.  I’ve yet to find a community COMPLETELY straight.  Even if it appears to be straight, chances are, someone’s closeted.  So how do you find those select few people?  How do you draw people out of the closet?

My answer?  Come out of the closet yourself.  It may be hard, but that’s the first step.  It’s no use spending your time waiting for someone else to make that step first.  There’s nothing wrong to be that first person.  In fact, while it can be hard, there are many who would ADMIRE you for partaking in such a thing.  Try not to be too blatant or flamboyant though, because to some, that might come off as standoffish.  Do something down to earth.  Write an article for your school paper.  Tell people close to you that you’re gay, and make sure they spread the ‘rumor’ around.  If anyone questions the truth, tell them the truth.

Once you’ve done that, make it known you’d like to talk to people about being gay, or you’re open to the idea, in case anyone else wants to.  You can even take some ideas from this article right here, to persuade people.  In schools, sometimes people come out to the school counselor, or a certain faculty member, but no one else.  Approach this adult figure (by now they’d probably know you’re gay) and ask him or her to ask the students who have come out to them if they would like to meet each other.  Oftentimes, and you would probably know this from experience, people are afraid to come out because of the fear of rejection from their peers.  Obviously a gay person is not going to reject another gay person because they’re gay.  (I apologize if the last two sentence made no sense.  They’re a little bit verbose).

I can’t guarantee 100% success.  The truth is, I’m only a blog, perhaps, contacting you from thousands of miles away.  I don’t know your situation and I don’t know the people in your community.  It’s up to you to assess this.  All I have here is another tool you can use to make gay life that much easier.

Of Curveballs and Bisexuality

It’s been a while and I thought I’d jump in with the topic of bisexuality.

“Who do you play for?” Everyone says.  “Pick a team!”  In terms of sexuality, I would not describe myself as bi.

But how do you define bisexual?  It’s controversial, I’ll admit.  Some people say it exists.  Some people say it doesn’t.  What do I believe?  I believe that everyone is inherently bisexual.  That’s right.  I’m bi, and the guy next to you in math class is bi, and guess what?  You’re bi too.

Maybe you understand, maybe you don’t.  I believe everyone is bi, in that there is a scale, so to speak.  The most extremely straight of straights would be 99% straight and 1% gay.  The most gay of gays would be 99% and 1% straight.  Of course some straights might end up scoring an 80% “straightness”, or a 70% “straightness”.  And homosexuals might end up with 60% “gayness” or 90% gayness.  It all depends on the person.  I suppose the absolute true bisexual would score about a 50-50 on this scale.

Bisexual, gay, straight…  They’re all really just labels.  Sometimes we hate them because they confine us.  And yet they can be that source of comfort, that the label, at least, makes us somebody.  It helps us define ourselves.  I say that everyone is bisexual.  There’s a curveball.  Well, in life, unlike baseball, you almost never get a fastball.  Life loves to throw a curveball.  In short, the world is grey.  And like the little scale of bisexuality I created, the world is in different shades of grey.  It’s never just black and white.

Don’t hate.

Saving Lives: Homosexuality and Suicide

A couple of my friends and I were discussing the relationship between homosexuality and suicide.  Fortunately (or unfortunately) I happen to be an expert on both.

Statistics show that gays are more likely to commit suicide than straights.  A friend of mine quickly interceded at this.  “Well,” she said.  “It’s because being gay isn’t natural.”

Okay.  I’ll admit this makes perfect, logical sense.  Homosexuality isn’t natural, therefore, according to natural selection, they must be “weeded out.”  If you look at it from afar, with a critical and logical eye, then sure, I guess it makes sense.  But it’s a rather cold approach to look at it, don’t you think?  A little bit harsh, no?  Spin it around a little bit…  Look at it from a different angle.  Say you have a person who is not genetically superior.  Maybe he/she has ADD or maybe he/she has had cancer.  Does it, then, make it ‘okay’ for them to kill themselves?  Simply in the name of Darwin’s theory of evolution?  

Does who and what a person is justify their death?  Maybe someone is socially adept.  It doesn’t make their death, their suicide, any less than of someone who may be more popular.

Maybe being gay isn’t natural.  Maybe being gay isn’t according to God.  It’s not up to me to decide something like that.  Nevertheless, we are all still people.

And even now, there are some who might force the statistics on to me.  But the truth is this:

Suicide most often stems from depression, and I know, that among the depressed (and others) community, there are many who are homosexual.  So where does the depression come from?  Depression can be something you are born with, but it not always is.  A lot of the time it is an environmental thing.  It depends on your parents, on your siblings, on any close adult.  It depends on your peers.  Imagine if someone took a quality that you possess, and tore it apart, ranted about how gross and wrong it was.  So many times I hear the word “fag” being thrown around, in disgust of the LGBT community.  Well you know?  That makes people feel like shit.  And low self-esteem is another cause of depression.

It is a feeling of entrapment…

You feel no hope

No way out.

No chance for love.

No one by your side.

Fear.

Darkness.

These things trigger suicides.  Suicide is one of the USA’s leading PREVENTABLE causes of death.  Preventable.  It can be stopped.  A simple change in action or words, it can change so much in one person’s life.

For these reasons, it can be concluded that indeed, homosexuality and suicide are related.  But it is something in the hands of normal people.  Just one normal person can save a life.

And that, my friends, means a lot.